Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Randomize
