What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
