i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
