??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
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