my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
