make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
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Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
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You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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