mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Randomize
