mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
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