All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
