the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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