doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
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