we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
