I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
