she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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