there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Sorry about my life...
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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