Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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