Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
