Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
