so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
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