she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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