Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
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