Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
