my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
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did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
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No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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