pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
