I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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