my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize