I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
