I looked at my own cervix.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
