You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Randomize
