No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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