So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
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