Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
