hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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