I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
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