He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
