she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
