Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
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