Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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