I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
it was like eating out sand paper
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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