hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Soap is not a condiment
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
