im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
