you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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