He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
