i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
