highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
