Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
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