I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
