"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
