Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
