Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
