I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
wow bdsm is so cute
Randomize
