remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
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