So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
