sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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