1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
