It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Boobs speak an international language.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
