I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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