you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
