Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize