yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
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