You made me cry and you don't even care
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Randomize
