i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
