A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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