Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
